on chasing dreams and butterflies

just like the butterfly, i too will awaken in my own time. -deborah chaskin

in an effort to further my career and "follow my dreams," dreams that i decided to put on hold when i had children, i have decided to allow my children to attend school. not a traditional school, but the closest thing to homeschool, in my opinion. this decision did not come easy.

infact, it's years in the making. my husband has been in my ear for a couple years, trying his best to convince me that i can, infact, have it all, that i wouldn't be a bad mother for taking some time for myself to finish my degree, and spend full days working to build my business. i disagreed throughout the years, quoting homeschool books that told me that my children should be home with me. and i've enjoyed this time immensely. wouldn't take a day back.

but i have now reached the point where i don't feel like i'm truly living out my purpose as i should and could be. the truth is, i have, as many mothers do, chosen to give up my goals for my children, and that does not have to happen. rebecca woolf said it best in her book, rockabye : "having a family is a choice. happiness is the most underrated accessory to success. it is paramount to be inspiried by life in order to be an inspiration to a child."

she goes on to talk about how many mothers say things like, "i gave up my dreams for you," and other declarations of nonsense, because, though you may have to make major adjustments when you decide to have a family, you do not ever have to lose your whole self, your sense of who you are.

one year ago, i told my husband he was crazy for suggesting that i send my children to be taught by strangers, though secretly, the thought of a full work day, the chance to treat my business like an actual business, gave me butterflies. i remembered researching Waldorf schools over the years, and felt that if i ever did send my children to school in the future, this would be my choice.

last winter i found one in ohio that i fell in love with, and recently, have decided to relinquish some of the control i have had for years over the education of my children, and begin to reclaim control of my own life and future.

i am overwhelmed with exitement over what these new choices will bring. stay tuned. and to you, tj, thanks for your support and encouragement, no matter what decisions i make. i know i frustrate the hell out of you sometimes, having "revelations" which are pretty much things you've been telling me all along. but....

just like the butterfly...